Let me start by saying this:
Personal Blogs are NOT for the weak.
With every post, I subject myself to possible judgement and scrutiny. I show my vulnerability. It’s much like songwriting, but scarier. With songwriting, I can tell you a story and bare my soul, but phrase it in such beautiful poetry that it can lead you away from the heart of the matter… or you can interpret it to your own personal need. With blogging, you lay it out for the world to see and there is no second guessing of what is meant. It’s there in black and white. Or in my blog’s case, dark grey and white with a touch of blue.
And my blog is much like a Simpsons’ episode. It starts with one plot and midway becomes a completely different story – and you wind up forgetting what the original story-line was. Which brings me to this statement…
After 34 years of life and a shallow way of thinking, I finally broke through last night thanks to a dear friend of mine – God does not set “rules” for us because He’s a bully; He does it to protect us. Not just from Satan, but from our own flesh.
You’ve just been Simpson-ized!
My friend and I were talking about the temptation of premarital sex . I voiced my concerns about a private issue of mine with her (yes, I said “private” – so don’t expect to read about it on here) and what my expectations were in finding truth in love and in a relationship (something I will be covering in a bit here, so hold your horses). Her response was that she believed that God asks us not to have premarital sex because He wants to protect our hearts and minds for the person He has made special for us as a partner/help-mate.
It wrecked me completely!
This may be old news to most of you, but I sincerely had this idea that God said “No premarital sex because it’s wrong.” – “Why?” – “Because I said so.”
So not only is this blog to declare my new knowledge and with you or to share with you His (now my) desire for a future in love, but maybe to open someone else’s eyes from this imprisoned way of thinking!
He wants to protect us! I finally get it! *smacks self on the head* And to think it only took 34 years.
I’m guilty of this particular sin. Yeah, yeah… go ahead and cast that first stone. I dare you. I’ve been through so much heartbreak in the last year and a half that it’s only made me stronger, so you better believe I’d just get up and kick your ass. (Please, please imagine me wearing the same wedding gown in the left picture of my blog in the middle of a dirt road after being stoned, brushing myself off and stomping after the perpetrator! haha!)
Why do we have premarital sex? I can’t answer for all of you, but I can tell you why I have. Because not only did God equip our bodies to enjoy sex and it’s my own fault for allowing things to go too far when my physical makeup cannot cut-off after a certain point is reached, but because it gives us a false sense of love. Yup, I said it. FALSE SENSE. This is not to say that those of us who have partaken in this “forbidden pleasure” doesn’t love the other person. I do very much. Muchly. But the love He wants us to share first is the kind of love He gave us already and too often we’re missing the point. More than hugs and kisses, words and doting. It’s the unexplainable love of looking at someone and seeing them as God sees them. Seeing God IN them. Seeing God in yourself!
A breakdown: Sex is not a commitment and it’s selfish when a commitment is not established beforehand. It can break your heart and break your spirit. It can tarnish a healthy relationship. It can get you pregnant. It can make you sick – permanently. It makes you regret. It gives you a bad reputation. It makes you insecure. It makes you jealous.
I am not only a victim of this, but I am a criminal of this as well.
God’s plan for sex: An extra-curricular activity to be enjoyed and shared till your little heart’s content after you are COMMITTED (married). To warm your heart and make your spirit joyful. To get you pregnant. To make you healthy. To make you thankful. Only His goodness should come from it.
I’m married to Facebook. One way or another, I’m on it at least four times a day, even if only to check messages or be nosy and read statuses from my phone. (Being nosy is a family trait. Just ask my dad.) One – and probably the only one – positive thing Facebook has shown me is the difference in how people love one another! I have friends who boast of their love on each other’s walls or post happy pictures together. I think these are awesome, but I’ve seen another love shared as well… The one where the woman is spoken about as a gift and a personal promise from God. The man declares his honorable intentions for their life on her wall as well as friends’ walls, making no shame about it. Pride – but not the sinful kind. He places her on a high pedestal and yet beside him and still puts God before her – and she, him – because they know that with God in the front and center, their love will only grow stronger… because it’s growing from God!! They see God in one another and want to serve Him together and serve each other in the same light.
I’ve seen the way I’ve loved and been loved and I have decided – I want the latter. I have been a slave to the physical for so long, that when someone has shown me the honor – for not only me but himself – to make the commitment to set boundaries to protect our relationship and my heart I feel rejected. Rejected!? But that is love!! And it’s the love I want! Why are we so blind to this?! Do I think one love is greater than the other kind? Heck yeah, I do. And I want it! How do I get it? By loving my Father and allowing Him to love me in return. I need to love me in that same way that He does. Will it be sufficient in my life? Won’t I get lonely? No. Faithfully, I know He won’t allow it.
I need to fix me and He’s the only one who can do that. I have to be sincere in my pursuit of Him, just as He has been with me.
I used to want a man who would go to the ends of the earth for me – walk through fire for me… and it still probably wouldn’t be too bad if he did. A man would who shout from the mountain tops about how much he loved me. Someone who would take care of me when I’m sick and hold me when I’m scared or sad. I still wouldn’t mind any of this, but I now understand that I need and deserve more and that’s what was missing before my “do over”.
Our idea of love is so distorted and selfish. I want a man who loves God more than life itself – more than me – and sees me as a gift from God to him. A man who sees me as pure – though I am not – because he’s looking at me through God’s eyes! I want someone who can give me freedom without jealousy and distrust and I can return the same. Someone who is going to forego our physical “needs” in intimacy to protect my heart as God wanted – even when I swear up and down the halls that I’ll be “okay with it”. Someone who can fill that need of intimacy in an honorable and spiritual fashion without shame attached to it. Someone I can grow as a servant of God with – even if we may serve in different arenas, the support would be there. Only a man who truly knows God can fill this need and I am not going to settle for someone who “sorta knows” what I’m talking about so I can push and pull them through their walk with Him to get them to keep up with me.
Today, I declare that God will bring this man to me because He wants that for me and feels that I deserve that! And today I am satisfied because that love is already being filled by my Father… I’ve just been too blind to see it until this morning.
“We love because He first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19