The Virgin… Missy?

First a Disclaimer:

This Blog is probably rated R, so read at your own risk. It’s not intended to be filthy, but humorous, honest, and actually empowering.

Past and current “lovers” (for lack of better terms), there is no need to crawl under a rock and die yet. I’m not dropping any names or
“events”, “whispered sweet nothings”, or “sneezes”. (Yeah, I said sneeze.)

I was just telling my best friend yesterday that I wasn’t really inspired to post anything grande on this blog this week, so instead, I posted a short blurb about my latest writing project (“Releasing Kayleigh“) on my other blog, “I’m a Writer! When did that Happen?!”  I sincerely thought that by posting a vague update on my current inspiration for another book, I would complete that unwritten goal of mine to post every week. Nope. I woke up this morning dying to talk about sex!

Haha, didn’t see that coming, did you? Seriously, this is a subject that wasn’t given a lot of platform in my home growing up. Don’t get me wrong, I got the sex talk. It wasn’t bad, but a hot poker through the eye would have felt better to me at the time. From the local library, my mom borrowed a few books that were dated back from the early 70’s that gave a thorough explanation of what I was going to experience in terms of a menstrual cycle and conception. The other book she used in great detail was the Bible. We were to wait until we were married to have sex–which was fine by me, since I wasn’t sure if I even understood how to get from point A to point B. It scared the crap out of me. I knew I would screw it all up. (No pun intended.)

I'm the girl who still giggles at the term "do it".

As I sit here in a local coffee shop, sipping my mocha, I debate on how much I should enclose in this blog. I have a horrible habit of over-explaining and giving away too much information. I truly do not do this for shock-value; I’m beyond that need. I just see humor in much of my life experiences that many can learn from. It’s always more enjoyable to gain information with a giggle, right? Plus, that is the joy of being a Christian! I have no shame in my past sins/flaws because whether others forgive me and pass not any judgement, I live freely because I have a Father who not only forgives, but takes it a step farther than just acceptance–he embraces me and loves me through and through. So at this point, I post my disclaimer: I may post a few things in this particular post that may lead me to judgement and some of the content may not be appropriate for ALL audiences. That whole Parental Guidance thing comes to mind, but we should be monitoring what our kids read anyway, however that’s a completely different blog for another day.

So, there I was, capable of explaining the sciences of the menstrual cycle as well as the rendezvous of sperm and egg. Folks, this will not take you far at all in the bedroom… or the car seat… or the park… or a cemetery (whatever floats your boat). And before you think that my mom didn’t try to go into details of the whole kit-n-caboodle, I’m sure she did but my mortification of the entire topic prevented me from listening. Like I said–a hot poker through the eye. Which leads me to my first embarrassing confession. I had no idea what the man anatomy entailed. I came from a house full of girls–my poor dad–and what little we did know about the physical act of sex was that you got naked under the covers, kissed a lot and somehow a baby was made from that–Thank you, Days of our Lives. I can’t tell you how many of my barbies got pregnant in this simple way. Of course because we couldn’t afford little babies for barbie, she gave birth to little frogs, a puppy and a troll doll once (That was the ugliest baby ever! A horrible day in the delivery room.)

My Barbie's ugly baby

If I hadn’t listened to mom and those 1970’s books, I could have easily been lead to believe that by  kissing alone, the sperm made its way to the egg. Scary thought seeing as how kissing has got to be one of the most amazing experiences in this world! Even now! You never get tired of it when you do it with someone you love. Finally, as I got a little older, I saw a more graphic sex scene in a movie and found it just abhorrent. Completely unappealing. There must be an end benefit to it if it looked that beastly and violent!

The word sex was not a overly welcomed word under my mom and dad’s roof. Not because it was bad, but more than likely because it made dad extremely uncomfortable for any of us to talk “girly talk”. It would always follow with him lounging back in his recliner with a red face, avoiding eye contact and saying, “I think we can find something else to talk about.” My parents come from a different world, a different time and my dad was the lone man out. Can’t really blame the guy–I’m living his nightmare now as a single mom of two boys who are currently gearing up for the dreaded “talk”. *shudder* But I will admit the sick enjoyment we received by my dad’s discomfort when my sisters and I would make a purposeful point to use the terms “Period”, “Ding-dong” (our name for penis), “beewee” (another name for penis), “peeper” (our name for vagina), and our favorite, “Do it” (you know what that means). A very mature crew I came from, folks. So I’m breaking the mold and forcing myself out of this conditioned discomfort with the word. Sex, sex, sex. Sex! SEX!

(I am so glad that is over with. I’m now blushing in this coffee shop now. I can only hope that people don’t assume that I’m browsing pornography.)

Edith Bunker - "All in the Family"

I was boy crazy from the start, but lucky me, the boys have never been Missy-crazy in return. I began dating when I was 15, just a month shy of 16. Thankfully, my parents were strict and allowed me to do only was my adolescent mind was capable of managing at the time. I was horribly ridiculed for being a virgin since junior high and well on through high school. My sophomore year, I dated a very experienced guy that dropped me like a bad habit when he became exhausted with cold showers. But not before he unpleasantly informed (embarrassed) me by pointing out that the male anatomy did not consist of two penises but one. I was always confused by the terms “balls” and “nuts”; I had no idea what everyone was talking about! And surely you boys weren’t using the same device to pee AND have sex with! Uh, apparently you are. (And no I will not be drawing a picture of what I imagined you possessed.) My friends would take pleasure in seeing me squirm through study hall as they pushed me to read the “Top 10 Sexiest Moves He’ll Die for!” article in Cosmopolitan magazine. Sadly, I was an open target in this not only because I was naive (the perpetual Edith Bunker of the 90’s) but because I was a skimmer of the word. Hey, if I wasn’t initially familiar with the word, I could only assume! “Orgasm” became organsim. “Genitals” became Gentiles. Go ahead laugh. I do encourage you to replace these words the next time you read a trashy article out of a magazine–an article that will not only mislead women to believing that they are sex-goddesses of knowledge but also instilling that it’s okay to have multiple partners. Cosmo, Glamour, Seventeen, please do us ladies a favor and shut up. Pass that message on to your other friends, Marie Claire, Vogue, and Allure as well.

Ultimately, no matter what I learned from my mom, the books of the 70’s, my ignorantly informed friends, and Days of our Lives I still didn’t know what the hell I was doing my first time. I may still not know what I’m doing.

I’m a supporter of sex education in the system. Abstinence is great and it’s what I believe in, but that’s something that can’t be taught; it’s a conviction. If we only nurture the conviction then we will birth a new Baby Boomer generation. Yikes! Our kids deserve better than that.

Now, as I said, I was raised to “wait until after marriage”–mainly because it was a sin not to. My own fault for not digging deeper into that at a younger age. But as I covered in a previous blog post, A Father’s Protection, I have finally realized that it’s so much more than that. He has asked us to remain pure to protect our hearts, not because He’s a tyrant and just wants to set up a bunch of needless rules. I am so glad I’ve moved passed that original theory! How imprisoning to feel that way!

1Thessolonians 4:3-4 says “God wants you to live a pure life. Keep yourselves from sexual promiscuity. Learn to appreciate and give dignity to your body.”

Sounds good to me. Where do I sign?

The name is Kong...Donkey Kong.

I wish it were just that simple. And maybe it could be if I could figure out some crazy way to close off my fleshy desires. It was one thing when I battled it in college. Movies and music glorified it! So did books. And lets be honest, there is always something appealing about rebelling against your upbringing as you experience one of life’s most awesome pleasures–all at the same time! I couldn’t wait to have sex! My hormones were all over the place. But there came a load of shame with those feelings, like I shouldn’t tell anyone that I wanted to “get it on like Donkey Kong”. Luckily, my first glimpse into the clean, unashamed fun of sex was advice given from one of my closest friends. She was my roommate, steep in the Pentecostal spirit. She was dating a preacher even. Just the kind of person that would make you feel shameful about  my human passion. Awesome enough, she was encouraging with the whole sex thing (naturally after marriage though). Her theories? Kisses should be freely given and as often as possible and wedding nights should be the start to the official sex-a-thon. Wow! She had passions too, just willpower… well, willpower over the sex. The kissing apparently didn’t call for any willpower–none was ever encouraged– and I’m totally okay with that.

But it’s a different ballgame now. I have spent the last decade experiencing and at times hating the nature of this act we so wonderfully call SEX. I’m now divorced. Am I just expected to stop?! Uh,yeah. My heart is in the same shape now that it was when I was in my early twenties–it needs to be protected now more than ever. It needs to be protected for me, for my boys and for the heart I have to do God’s work. I also need to keep it safe for my husband. Yeah, I’ll exchange vows again; trust me. I give it about 5 years, tops.

How are people to trust me and the God I serve if I hypocritically continue a destructive path that goes against His Word? I’m not saying that He doesn’t show us Grace, but I’m saying that I should at least be making an effort, which I have. I think of all the young kids who make this vow of purity, wear purity rings… What do we do to them? We ridicule them. How horrible is that? These kids have made a solemn effort to hold true to God’s Word and we’re mocking them, placing bets that they will fail and then we can laugh even harder at their failures. I understand the argument that some become open targets (i.e. Joe Jonas, Myley Cyrus, Jessica Simpson), but does that really give us the go ahead to scoff at them? If anything, we should encourage their decision even more.

Chastity Rings, purity rings; they are all the same. They made their big splash in the 90’s and guess what? I actually owned one. I never wore it because I was ASHAMED! Is it just me or is it strange that I would be ashamed? Well, I found it again yesterday. It was silver, so it was a tad tarnished and so I’m having it cleaned today. Who’s to say that I can’t wear it because I’m over the age of 20?

I’m 34 years old. I know I’m going to make mistakes. I do not boast them, but I refuse to be ashamed of them. How else can I pass on my learning experiences to those who read my slightly incoherent ramblings? I will not show shame in my decision to wear my purity ring. It’s MY decision. I’m proud of it. Will I falter? Maybe, maybe not. Who knows? What I do know is this:

1. That this time around, I have a better understanding as to why I want to wait…again.

2. That sex organs are genitals not the same as non-Israelites clans.

3. Released sexual tension is not exactly a contiguous living system despite what it feels like.

4. You boys use one and the same to pee and have sex with. (Again, you will not get a visual of my original imagination)

5. You can get pregnant your first time. (Girls and boys, please read this again)

6. You can get pregnant if you choose to have sex during your girly cycle… which I can’t imagine why you’d want to test that. Blech. (Girls and boys, please read this one again as well.)

7.  You cannot be a virgin again, but you can take a vow of purity.

8.  Other people’s opinions and beliefs will not follow you through life, settle in your intimate relationships and into the bedroom; Therefore you shouldn’t care what others think now or ever. It’s your life.

So, after about 15 years I will wear my purity ring, when I want to and wear it proudly. It’s not a magical fix-it-all. It’s there to be a visual reminder for me and my desire to remain pure until I marry again. And if I’m not wearing it, please don’t assume that I knocked boots. I may have opted out of hand jewelry so I can play guitar that day. (I’m so easily distracted by finger-things when I play music)

Geez, I hope my fingers aren’t too fat. Maybe a twisty tie will help me accomplish the same goal? Hmmm…

And no, I will not ever be writing a book on sex. I’m sure the pregnancy rate would sky-rocket if I did. It would almost be like Britney and Jamie-Lynn Spears’ mom writing a book on parenting. A total disaster, unless it was marketed under Humor.

Have I no dignity? Oh, and don’t send me hate mail about this blog or call my mom. I really don’t want her putting soap in my mouth over this ordeal.

18 thoughts on “The Virgin… Missy?

  1. desi83 says:

    ha ha you have no idea how much I can relate to this. Luckily, however, most of my friends in high school were just as clueless and “virginal” as I was, including my high school sweet heart. Man, did he and I have some awkward times, like when we first watched a porn complete with bad 80s hair. Ick, we both turned it off and prayed for forgiveness and to not ever have to see that sort of thing again ha.

  2. Your post touches on a few topics that I’m really interested in; sex, feminism and religion!

    Sex is part of the human condition and being ashamed of our natural feelings just seems a little sad to me. That kind of ties into feminism too because of the sexual double standard. Men are studs if they sleep with lots of women but women are sluts if they sleep with lots of men. It’s complete bullshit IMO. Women have sexual desires and feelings just the same as men and they shouldn’t be shamed for feeling them!

    Abstinence is kind of a silly idea to me. I think everybody should have per-martial sex. Sex isn’t everything but it surely counts for a lot. What if you’re not compatible sexually with your new spouse? What if your sex drive is 10x greater than his or vice versa? If you have a high sex drive can you deal with a nearly sexless marriage?

    I think this idea of abstinence before marriage is one of the big contributing reasons that so many marriages end in divorce; people are getting married so they can knock boots without feeling guilty. Hah.

    Yes, I realize there are risks with sex but there’s risk in lots of things we do. Driving, cycling, bungee jumping, sky diving, hiking, camping, hunting etc. Yet, nobody is suggesting that we abstain from driving because you might get into an accident and DIE. We protect ourselves and mitigate the risk but we still take the risk every time we get behind the wheel or strap on the the strap on.

    Religion just heaps on more shame because people are having unclean thoughts and lusting after “pleasures of the flesh”. Religion is kind of unique in that it penalizes you for having bad *thoughts*! Yikes!

    In conclusion, sex isn’t this bad terrible thing, just manage the risk. Women shouldn’t allow men to make them feel bad for their sexual desires and religion should be avoided. Keys to happiness. 😉

    YMMV

    • Hmmm, where to begin, Michael… (Oh, how I love our discussions, my friend.) 🙂

      First, as a preliminary, we’re going to have to agree to disagree on the whole Jesus thing. I’m a believer and you are not; so much of what I say is easily going to be dismissed by you because of this basis alone.I truly believe in God’s Word (the Bible) and all that he asks of me. He does not REQUIRE of me. He has given us free will, and I have used that free will. A LOT. I could continue using that free will to have and think about all the sex I want, because ultimately God is still going to show me grace. I’ve already been forgiven. However, my CHOICE–my free will–is to abstain from it. Not because I think it’s “wrong” as in dirty, but because I truly believe that it’s to protect my heart. Next to the loss of a child or a parent, I can’t really imagine another heartbreak as great as loving someone wholly and giving yourself wholly (body, mind, & soul) to someone who does not love you back. It absolutely torments me. My personal makeup is not equipped to handle that sort of rejection and I am firm in my belief that that is why God has asked us not to have premarital sex. Not because it’s filthy. Heck, because I’m a believer, I believe He created us in such a way that we can enjoy sex and have our sex-a-thons. He didn’t make us this way just to breed. That would be stupid.

      And because (again) I’m a believer, I also believe that if I hold to His word to remain pure till my next marriage, then my next marriage will be abundantly blessed to withstand many of life’s obstacles. This does not mean that I expect God to “just take care of it”. This means that with my faith in Him, I have become stronger and wise enough to battle through them. I believe He will send me someone who is not only compatible with me on a spiritual and personal level, but also a sexual level. You’re right, sex is important. But my one argument is that premarital sex doesn’t guarantee sexual compatibility either. My ex-husband and I did it all the time before we got married and look at us now. Not only are we divorced now, but we completely grew apart as sexual partners LONG before it was said and done. We were compatible when we started because it was new, but after the proverbial “honeymoon was over”, so was the sexual compatibility. Now, I’m not saying that our marriage failed because we had premarital sex, it failed because we failed it. But, I can’t help but wonder if we had set a “failing” standard in our relationship because we never had God in it. I do not believe he punished us by setting us in a miserable marriage. But in the bible and in many of the lives I see around me of those who put God first and center in their lives, He shows them favor.

      The way I see it, I didn’t do it right last time. It’s why this blog is called a “do over”. I’m starting over again, with better understanding, a greater peace. What didn’t work last time, why try it again? It didn’t work.

      I want to get married again. I want to get married to a wonderful, God-loving man who will love me just as much as God because he will see how God is in me. And I want to love him in the same. Someone I can worship God freely with, though we may never see eye to eye in everything from politics to spiritual beliefs. I want him to love my children as a responsible and reliable leader and friend to them, no expectations to love them as his own because they already have a dad. I want someone that will join me in this wonderful adventure of life, living it to the fullest extent. And with this man, I want to be able to have a freakin’ awesome sex-a-thon ALL THE TIME with the knowledge that (hopefully) because our hearts were clear of any/much tarnishing (i.e. premarital sex) that we can give 100% to the other, placing God in the center of our hearts. No comparison’s to past lovers (which I have heard complain about by many people who were actually happy in their marriages, just eaten by a guilt of the past). I believe that if I remain true to my convictions (notice I said conviction and not God’s requirement of me) that he will show favor in my next marriage. This is not to say that we won’t have trouble or dry spells, but we would at least have the heart and Godly conscious to work it through.

      I am aware that some non-believers have wonderful marriages as well. Maybe even non-believers who had premarital sex. What do I say to that? Luck. Divine intervention. How about “way to go!”… 🙂
      And yes, even Christian couples have divorces too. Does this mean that God didn’t show them favor? No. I think it means he has something better in store for them in the future. That what separates our ways of thinking, Michael. Faith.

      But as always, our talks are always fun, though we never seem to meet in the middle. *sigh*

      **Oh, and I agree that teaching abstinence alone is never a good idea. Like I said in the blog, that is a personal conviction, not something that can be taught. Everyone needs to be equipped with knowledge on how to protect themselves properly. Like you said, it’s just as much risk driving a car. We should all learn to drive safely in case we need to do it, but it can be our personal conviction to ride a bicycle instead. 😛

  3. Michael H says:

    I don’t want the discussion to turn into a debate on religion but I just have to comment on one thing then I’ll let you have the final word.

    [quote]I also believe that if I hold to His word to remain pure till my next marriage, then my next marriage will be abundantly blessed to withstand many of life’s obstacles. This does not mean that I expect God to “just take care of it”. This means that with my faith in Him, I have become stronger and wise enough to battle through them. I believe He will send me someone who is not only compatible with me on a spiritual and personal level, but also a sexual level.[/quote]

    [quote]I am aware that some non-believers have wonderful marriages as well. Maybe even non-believers who had premarital sex. What do I say to that? Luck. Divine intervention. How about “way to go!”…
    And yes, even Christian couples have divorces too. Does this mean that God didn’t show them favor? No. I think it means he has something better in store for them in the future.[/quote]

    This is a good example of one of my problems with religious logic and reasoning. I’ve quoted two pieces from your reply. Hopefully the UBB code will work correctly, apologizes if not!

    On one hand, you believe that if you remain pure until your next marriage, that you’ll be abundantly blessed.

    On the other hand, if a Christian couple gets divorced, it just means God has a different plan for them. Or if a secular couple have long fruitful and fulfilling marriage then it’s luck or divine intervention!

    So to summarize, if you live good and pure God sends you good stuff. If you’re not sent good stuff then it’s luck or God has other plans for you. This cognitive disconnect is very interesting to me… I just don’t understand how perfectly intelligent and smart people thinks this makes sense.

    If this comment isn’t appropriate to your post or you feel it distracts too much from what you’re trying to say, I won’t be offended if you don’t allow it to be posted.

    • You’re cool, Michael. I would never unapprove a posting unless it was a link to a pill that would help enlarge my penis. 😛

      I see your side clearly and I debated for a while on how I was going to respond. Don’t cringe (haha), but I even prayed on it. You know what I came up with? That God moves in all of our lives, some positive, some that seems negative but has a positive end to it. God doesn’t want ANY of us to suffer; He was all of us to flourish in life because he loves us–even the ones who have reject Him. That being said, and after a very deep, prayerful time, I see that Marriage can be viewed easily as a “hit or miss”, but always His hand is in it. Sometimes He may pave the way for two people to meet, fall in-love, and start a life together. It was meant to be. With God, nothing is accidental–the circumstances we encounter in life, the people we meet… Sometimes, we fall-in love & marry, then fall out of love and divorce. While I won’t say that God intends for us to divorce, I will say that (again) He sets up a stage for us to make decisions. Our OWN decisions.

      And I thought back to what I said. You’re right, it didn’t really make sense–me wanting to remain “pure” until my next marriage for His blessings. As I was praying I realized this though, that was His request of us and though the idea of favor and blessing in the end for making that decision is quite powerful, so is my undying love for Him. I believe He loved us so much that He gave up His only Son for our transgressions. All of our wrong-doings and carnal desires (sins) that are un-Godly were wiped clean because of that sacrifice. And it hit me, I want to try to remain pure because I love God and I love myself. It would please Him and sure, He would show favor, but I could also NOT please Him and though He may not show blessings in that decision of mine, I know He won’t punish me because that’s not the God I serve. MY sins have already been forgiven.

      I want to do this. Not out of fear of punishment or of disappointing my Heavenly Father, but out of respect & love–much like I would approach other things in this life out of love & respect for my parents.

      And ultimately, I need to add that though I understand how my God loves, I sometimes don’t understand why suffering still occurs in this world. It’s then I have to remind myself of Isaiah 55:8 – “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.

      You may not want to hear this, but I’m going to say it anyway because you’re my friend: I think God has big things for you, Michael. You’re an awesome person with a delicate way of words. You care about how others may feel in your approach of adversity. You do not degrade and you do not offend. The only thing missing in the grand scheme of what He wants for you, is the fact that you simply do not believe in Him. But I think He understands.
      Just something that was on my heart. 😛

  4. Michael H says:

    Ok, so the comments don’t support UBB code. Sorry about the [quote] tags! 😉

  5. […] wrote a blog post about her experiences navigating the sex issue as she was growing up (The Virgin… Missy?). It’s a pretty funny read so go check it out. Consider this a non-religious, sex positive […]

  6. Matt Clyde says:

    I would like to chime in on the sex topic if possible. I believe God is logical in some sense, yet mysterious in others (If you fully understand all that an omniscient God does, then your view of Him is inferior in my opinion). I also believe that His Word says things that are meant for our benefit because He makes all things for our good. With that said, the one thing that I have not seen mentioned on this discussion is the lasting effects of sex.

    Disclaimer: When I refer to marriage, I am not necessarily speaking about a “official” on paper marriage, but rather I mean it in a more traditional sense of a strong promise / covenant between two partners who have made a life-long commitment to each other in a meaningful way (Paper doesn’t mean anything unless the heart exists behind it. And if the heart exists, why get the paper less for gov’t benefits)

    Personally, I don’t have a whole lot of experience in the area (b/c of choice), but the experiences I have had have stayed with me for years. Even now there are times when memories or feelings surface out those images, feelings, sensations that existed in the moment of intimacy when my mind captured them. As a male, sex is a BIG issue, and it is not necessarily a bad issue….unless I allow it to form a stronger desire to have more of it. This is not bad if there is a committed relationship. However, outside of a committed relationship these images can bring up past sensations that produce lustful thoughts and desires that function outside of my personal relational boundaries of love.

    Paul’s encouragement to abstain from sexual immorality was out of an understanding that the effects of sex can cause serious damage to the way we relate to one another on a basic human level. Personally I don’t want to relate to people, especially women, on the basis of trying to “get some.” My conviction is that I should love people for who they are because they carry the image of God, whether they realize it or not; however, a mis-managed sex life can potentially lead to issues relating to others. (Once again, there are probably some exceptions out there that this doesn’t apply to, but for the rest of us…)

    Furthermore, I have found that thoughts/images/memories from past experiences have come up in other relationships. Sexual compatibility is a HUGE deal; however, I believe that more goes into a marriage than just sexual compatibility. With this in mind it is possible to have INCREDIBLE sex with a partner, yet not find them compatible on all the levels you would desire from a marriage partner. I was speaking to a good friend a few years ago on this topic, and he confessed that the best sex of his life was not with his wife, but with a one-night stand he had years ago. He continued to speak about ways that he had to deal with past sexual ties to previous women, and how that has effected his current marriage.

    I am not saying this applies to everyone, but it certainly applies to me in a minimal way (since I have tried to live within certain boundaries for my life). More sexual partners means more memories produced of sexual experiences, which can increase sex drive. With increased sex drive comes a stronger desire to “get some” that could ultimately lead to a relational barrier that functions outside the boundaries of love for others.

    On the flip side, more sex with one partner creates a healthy drive to nurture a deeper relationship with that person. Sex is the gasoline that ignites the passion in a marriage relationship.

    • Michael H says:

      Furthermore, I have found that thoughts/images/memories from past experiences have come up in other relationships.

      So? Of course we’re going to have thoughts and images and memories from our lives. That seems pretty normal and expected to me.

      Sexual compatibility is a HUGE deal; however, I believe that more goes into a marriage than just sexual compatibility.

      Just to be clear, I also believe that there is more to a marriage than sexual compatibility. The difference between my out look on the topic and yours (and presumably Melissa’s) is that I don’t think couples should gamble on the sexual compatibility issue because as you say, it’s a HUGE deal.

  7. Matt Clyde says:

    I want to leave one more comment that I thought about on my way home from work.

    The propagation of sex outside of marriage creates an unhealthy measure of self worth and value in society. By this I mean exactly what Missy pointed out in her post: you aren’t cool unless you are getting laid. This may seem dumb, but I have known so many people between Jr High up to present day that are slaves to this mentality. Sex should be something to be enjoyed between to covenanted people, not established as a symbol of value. When one receives part of their value based on the number of notches they earn, they further the problem. I have known both men and women that pride themselves with the “notches” they get, and I have known men and women who have felt undervalued if they did not have sex. Relationally, this creates even bigger strains and pressures that are not intended to be there.

    There you go. I haven’t given my complete thoughts, but these two should get some gears ticking. Feel free to respond, or not…and feel free to take these ideas for follow-up articles 😉

  8. mm it appears like your site ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I submitted and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to everything. Do you have any helpful hints for inexperienced blog writers? I’d definitely appreciate it.

    • Just blog how you feel lead. Be honest. Try to be consistent. The more regular you blog, the more apt you are at getting traffic and keeping readers. If you get stumped on a topic to blog on one week, check out “Plinky”. It can prompt you with thought-provoking questions. Thanks for stopping by my blog and best of luck to you!

  9. […] [Matt’s and mine] consciences clearly stated the same when sexual intimacy would occur. We still do not condone it, do not encourage it. There is so much that goes in to intimacy that sometimes we can’t even wrap […]

  10. […] [Matt’s and mine] consciences clearly stated the same when sexual intimacy would occur. We still do not condone it, do not encourage it. There is so much that goes in to intimacy that sometimes we can’t even wrap […]

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